Step Inside My Mind

Sometimes, I drive my self crazy with the 'what if's'. I recently told my husband about something always in the back of my mind and of course, he thinks I am nuts and says "Just Drive", but let me share with you too.

Being involved in animal rescue, I unfortunately know the horrors and ultimate fates so many animals out there face. And it is heart breaking. Heart Wrenching. Yes, I know, adults and children face horrors too. And there are plenty of people out there advocating for them. The animals have a smaller voice in that realm, and I guess I was 'blessed' to be one of the people to help them strengthen their voice. My husband too. He feels the same, sometimes even softer than I, but the difference is, he doesn't think about the 'what if's'...or if he does, he doesn't share them with me! *And before I get going here, let me just state that I am not saying everyone has bad or ill intentions towards animals. I am just freely speaking on how my mind rambels through the 'what if's' and since I have seen the dark side, I think this is why I put myself through this*

On my daily drive to work, I pass on occasion an amish buggy or two going down the road and a number of fields with animals, mostly horses, in them. For the past 2.5 years, I pass the same fields and always see the same horses. There is one farm that for quiet some time, had a very skinny horse in their pasture. I figured a few things. It could have been a rescue they were rehabbing or a horse, possibly a senior horse, with a health issue. I couldn't imagine that it was flat out being neglected right there since the farm sits right on a main road in public site. And the other horse in the pasture was healthy as well as the sheep they have. (But, then again, you never know) Every day I would pass and see the horse standing under a tree. It would wear a fly mask in the summer which told me that someone DOES care for this horse. Every day I would pass and tell myself one day, I will drive by and this horse will no longer be here. And I will most likely know it's fate; he was humanely euthanized due to health and hopefully was in the arms of someone who loved it while it made the journey over the Rainbow Bridge. And sure enough, one day I drove by, and every day after, and never saw the horse again. And I pray my thought was correct...and not that some heartless owner shipped it to an auction or something of the likes.

Another field I pass always had a black and white horse. Both were in good weight, turned out almost all the time and had a shelter for inclement weather. (See all these things I notice!) Then, one day, they were just gone. I don't think the family moved; I never saw a for sale sign. My heart broke. I hope they didn't have to leave because the family came upon hard times. How heart wrenching, but also a stark reality. And every day I pass and still check the field in hopes that I see them again. I don't. And I pray wherever they went, they are happy.

Another field I pass had a paint horse, a mini and one day, the mini's foal as well :) I feel like I watched that baby grow up! I would see the field every morning with the paint and very pregnant mini. Then one day, a foal too! (And no, the Paint was not the sire! That I am pretty sure of!) For 2 years I would see them every day as I drove by. They always seemed fat and happy munching on grass. Sometimes I would see someone in the field grooming them. Then, one day, I saw a baby calf in the field and no horse. The next day, 3 baby calves .... and the next few days now 5 baby calves. And now, I either see an empty field or 5 baby calves. And I wonder, what are they doing with these calves? They look like dairy cows, but I am no expert. And more importantly, where did the horses go? I asked my husband last night if he ever sees the horses anymore and he said no. That's not to say they are no longer there, but me and my mind always seem to consider the worst right away. I guess that is the negative to being involved in animal rescue. Maybe they went all together to a wonderful home where the Paint is ridden out on trail and the mini's are working with kids and trained to pull a cart for pleasure. But the rescuer in me says, maybe they were dumped at auction to make room for whatever the owner now wants to do with the cows.

Another field I pass has 2 white horses; they look like Arabians. So naturally, they remind me of Apollo. And one day, there was only one white horse out. I though, maybe the other is in the barn being groomed, or worked, or has a vet or farrier out to see it. And then more days passed where I only saw one :( And I automatically assume the worst. The other passed away and now the lone white horse is alone, without it's buddy.

I know people draw a line between humans and animals and emotions and feelings. But animals DO have feelings. They can sense things. They feel emotions. They know love....and danger...and harm....and companionship. I have witnessed this all first hand. And I know, that when an animal is loved and has companionship, it knows and cherishes every moment as if it is the last....because you just never know.