I can't really explain it. Today, as I was walking into a local store to grab some lunch, I had 900 thoughts going through my head (as usual).
For as much as I secretly stress and panic, on what seems like a daily basis, on how my husband and I can afford all we have, the reality is, we've done it for 2.5 years now and while we basically go paycheck to paycheck, what more could I ask for. We have property, an orchard, a country setting for our 'homestead', crazy dogs, crazy cats and our horses on the farm with us.
For as long as I can recall, this has always been my dream. And I remember, before we were even engaged, I was speaking with a friend on the phone and I remember panning this "setting" out declaring that this is what I want and gosh darn it, it is what I will have! And I won't stop looking until I find it. I think the conversation came up because her and her significant other were in the process of house hunting. I remember her response to me being something along the lines of 'No one gets what they want upfront, the first time around. Why disappoint yourself.' And the conversation went on with more negativity, but I guess that is where I defined myself as more of a Glass Half Full kind of person.........
So anyways, where I am going with this, is then I was thinking, 'and now we're having a child! If I am stressing about finances now, good god how will it be come March!' But in the same thought, I smiled. I was proud of myself and my husband; where we are and what we've done. And to think that I now have the opportunity to raise my child on a farm, with horses, all the experiences they will get - WOW! How Lucky! This kid doesn't know it yet, and may not realize it for 30 years, but one day, he or she will, and that makes me smile! And I know that since this child will be brought up with horses, he or she may not even be interested in them (isn't that the way it goes), but one day, I am sure of it, they will understand! And I am so happy to have that opportunity!