Adventures with my Niece

She is currently 7...and she says the darndest things.

Don't they all?

I'll soon find out for myself with my little one. But all I know is, when I have my niece with me, she is sure to say something that inevitably has me laughing if not from anything else, then from sheer horror!!

Let me back up by telling you it was probably 2 years ago when she was 5-ish. We were in Wal-mart. (think 'people of wal-mart' website!!) We were in an aisle and I was looking at something. Just a few feet away from us was a young man who happened to be wearing thick, black eyeliner. So, why wouldn't my unknowingly, sweet and innocent niece ask me, at the top of her lungs, while pointing in his direction, "Auntie, is that a boy, or a girl?"

Fast-forward past my mortification to the check-out line. The lady in front of us was rather heavy-set. Ok, I mean, REALLY heavy set. And, to put it politely, she was wearing spandex pants that were probably purchased in the juniors department - I digress. I said, picture the 'people of wal-mart' website, right? So, of course, again pointing right in this womans direction, in ear shot of the whole store, she asks me, "Auntie, is that her BUTT?" Yes, you are correct. I switched check-out lines faster than Martha Stewart trading in plummeting stocks. (Sorry, I had too)

So, now that you have some background on my sweet & lovely niece, let me share her words of wisdom from the past weekend. We were at a local farmer's market. Two days prior, I got a bee sting on my thigh that was rather bad. I never had a reaction to a bee sting like I did with this one. As we are standing in line for produce, I get stung yet again! This time on my underarm. And again, for whatever reason, the reaction was worse than usual for me. We ran across the street to the CVS so I could wimp out and grab some motrin to go along with the headache I was brewing and I wanted to find one of those 'sting sticks'.

Of course, this CVS is the worst CVS on the face of the planet. They NEVER fail to disappoint when I go in there and this time was no exception. They had NO motrin or sting stick. What kind of 'drug store' doesn't have motrin?? So, as I am grumbling under my breath and scanning all their pills, my niece grabs a box off the shelf, holds it in the air and proclaims, "What about this one, Auntie? It will tell you 'yes or no', Auntie!" And I say, "Um, no honey. That is not what I am looking for" as I grab the prgnancy test and stick it back on the shelf! And the whole group of people congregated around the pharmacy waiting line are starring.

Fast forward and we are now back at home. My niece wants to make her mother a card. She knows were more stuff is located in my house than I do and she comes out of the office with pretty papers and a bag of markers. I used to carry this bag of markers with me, in a larger tote, and so it goes without saying this marker bag was kind of a 'everything' bag. So, I was not shocked when she pulled out a 'stick', held it in the air and said to me "Auntie, REALLY?" while she waved the tampon around like a flag on the Fourth of July. And I will end that conversation there. No need to detail our further discussion on this one :)

Happy Friday!!