"Gypsy gold does not chink and glitter. It gleams in the sun and neighs in the dark."

~ Saying of the Gladdagh Gypsies of Galway

Sunday, June 13, 2010

The Goose

I mentioned at the end of my previous post that our hay pick-up trip had more of a story to come. And it involved an animal that looks identical to this one:

A Goose
*Ugh* For those of you that know me or have gathered from reading my blog, I have a fear of anything with feathers :/ I have gotten better with this fear in some instances. I can 'tolerate' the barn sparrows as long as they aren't dive bombing me. And I have been in a few situations where free range chickens are present and as long as they keep their distance, I am ok. Too bad this wasn't the case when we went to pick up hay Friday night.

So, we pull into the drive of this farm. This is the first time purchasing hay from them; they are an older couple. I did see 'the goose' when I stopped by the day prior to see about purchasing hay, however, it was off in the distance. So anyways, we pull in and it looks like no one is home? We had our 6 yr old niece, Valaree, and 3 yr old nephew, Austin, with us. Val and I went to the back door to see if anyone was home while Allen waited in the truck with Austin. As we were standing at the door knocking, I caught a glimpse of 'the goose' coming our way. OH $H!T!!! (I know, is this not ridiculous that a grown woman was panicking over a GOOSE!?)

So, before you know it, the freaking goose is coming at us. *Quack Quack QUACK!* I go into TOTAL panic mode and grab Valaree into a bear hug!? And, I stated yelling for Allen. (mind you, at this point, I noticed people were home. I could see them through the window, however, for some ungodly reason, they didn't hear us yelling, screaming, knocking and ringing the dang door bell). So, Allen runs up to us and gets in between us and the goose. For a split second, I thought to myself 'Allison, hold it together for cryin' out loud. You are causing a 6 yr old with no fear of feathered animals to completely freak out like you'......and then the goose starting trying to get at us THROUGH Allen and I said forget it. Time to loose the composure.

By now, it has turned into complete chaos. I kid you not. I am freaking out telling Allen to do something, Valaree is screaming (Austin is staring at all of us from his car seat thinking we're all lunatics) and Allen is trying to sway the goose away with his leg all the while banging on the door and yelling "HELLO...HELLLLLLO". Finally, right before I think I was about to stroke, Allen just yelled at me to open the door and go in; I hesitated for about .1 second and opened the door and went in with Valaree right up my behind. As we went in her flip flop got caught in the door and fell off. She started 'crying' that her flip flop was outside with the goose. OH WELL....the goose can have it because I sure as hell ain't opening the door for it. So now, the goose is still quacking at us, the people have FINALLY realized someone is IN their back sunroom and Allen walked back to his truck.

The woman comes back to see us [in her home] and feeling like a complete and ultimate a$$, I said "Hi, I am here to pick up hay. And......I apologize, I am afraid of birds and your goose was 'quacking' at me" I seriously think she thought a drunk girl and a 6 yr old showed up to rob them? To beg for a place to stay? To beg for a meal? All I know is, she certainly didn't think I was sane and normal and simply there to pick up hay! She said she'd get her shoes and be right back. In the mean time, the old farmer came out and proceeded to smile and walk outside. He motioned for us to follow and I said, "Sorry, I can't [pointing at the goose] I am afraid of birds!" He gave me the most bewildered look and continued over to Allen. The woman then came back with her shoes on, walked out to stand by the goose and said, "Ok, c'mon out now". One problem, the goose was still out to get me. I could see it in its eyes.

I continued to explain my fear and finally the lady, with aggravation in her voice, said "Now c'mon now, you are making her scared. She ain't gonna hurt you" WHAT?! SERIOUSLY! Then she says "Ok Shelia (sweet jesus, the dang goose has a name. Shelia!!!), it is ok, they are not going to hurt anyone". So I push Val out the door (she is still make hesitation moans) and we b-line it for the truck. We hop in, I look at Allen and say "Sorry honey, you will have to get the hay yourself. I am not getting out of the truck!"

I realize that unless you know me personally, or were there to witness this shear chaos, this may not be very comical, but I can assure you, it was. And eventually, 'Shelia' meandered off to another barn and Val and I crept out of the truck to see their cows and offer up more of an apology for our earlier behavior. And the lady seemed nice then and even said she knows some people can be scared of 'feathered animals' and that, when they are, it is a very difficult fear to get over. She explained that 'Shelia' was like a dog to them (oy!) and I might have just left there with one ounce of dignity left after she shared that. And I will tell you what, their hay is very nice, but I can find nice hay elsewhere if Shelia the Guard Dog is going to have it out for me every time I stop by. Ekkkk!


Sharon said...

So sorry for your fear...and glad that it ended well (sort of). I know that fear...mine was for dogs, as one had nipped at me when I was very young -- that was all it took. I was so glad that, growing up, most people had their dogs in a fenced back yard, not in their homes when we visited.

Our neighbors across the street, however, had more than an acre of land, so their dogs were "allowed" more running room. They were smelly, slobbering, Chesapeake retrievers. I would only visit their home if someone "called the dogs off" or put them inside. I guess their natural "territorial" instinct was too much for me ;)

Emily on the Southern Prairie said...

i am totally afraid of geese! after being chased by a hissing goose in boston along the charles about 15 years ago, well, all i can say is i read this post and understood!

Unknown said...

FINALLY!!! Someone who can relate, Emily!